(desaguando)

"Guess that I was wondering to say a lot of things to you in 'that day' but I was feeling my chest empty... You told me a lot of things about you - your expectations, your frustrations, your challenging, your feelings - but could be great leave, at least here, some thoughts about me as well.
As I told you, after all things that I heard from you about the non spiritual connection, differences between our worlds, culture, life, experiences, intelectual level, even that you weren't trusting in us anymore, a lot of feelings that I had about us have changed since from that. 
In our first time - before that cup of tea - I felt myself guilt for this relation have gone. I felt that I wasn't good enough to talk with you, to stay with you, to be 'something or someone relevant apart from be that girl that was sleeping/have fun/sex with you'. But after you give us a new chance (???) I guessed that was my opportunity to be a better person in all those aspects. Then, I tried be patience with your time, moments, travels, tried be present during my job, my crazy shifts and nights, respecting your space, being honest when I felt something wrong (for several times), respecting you as a person with your particularities, trying to build a honest and health relation for us. But none of that things was a hard job or a complain... was wonderful to know deep each other. And I believed in that. I learned a lot with you and was all my pleasure shared 'my way to see all things around me' with you. I guessed that all that feeling was true. I felt myself totaly comfy and confident in you as a person, partner, friend, boyfriend... But... As you said, we were so similar in a lot of points, but... distant and different about other ones.
My confusion - and hurt nd total disappointment - was don't really know what was real or non natural from you since... last months? Berlin? Weeks or days ago? Being honest all the other things that I heard from you about 27 millions years, a house with plants, cats, huge family - yes, I was making this 'my dream' as well and trying to give to you all and whatever you need - better together, thoughts to spend all our time in our life together... Were they really true? And why you make believe in all them? Why you make me believe in us?? Was I been so stupid  thinking that 'all things was going ok'?
That letter that I wrote to you was my way to be thankful for all love, honest and peace that I learned, felt and found with you and in my personal expectations I never would live and feel that. But when we finished that conversation, a lot of things there didn't make sense anymore because... we weren't trust in each other. I couldn't trust in any sweet word or smile that I had in my mind... from you... I couldn't trust in someone that don't trust in me, as a person, partner, friend, girlfriend... and I can't stand and accept this...
Finally, the only feeling that I am totally sure that was true, because I felt this for all days that we were together, was how I love/loved you - as a person, friend, partner, boyfriend, dreamer... Keith, I love you. I am wishing you all my best feelings and wishes, sending you all my positives thoughts. Ever.
Hopefully that some day all your dreams can come true: a huge family, a house in the montais and a wonderful woman to be mom for your kids.
Thank you. For all and everything."